For starters, I have a problem with the whole “upscale” look of the place. The venue looks like the lobby of one of those new luxury condos going up all over northwest. Why does everything need to be so fancy all of a sudden?
My first visit to Town was a quick 30-minute tour on their opening night. I won’t tell you why I was there, with whom, or why I got in for free. What I will say is that no venue like that should open before the fresh paint smell has faded. I was pretty unimpressed with all aspects of their opening night party. I’ll leave it at that.
If you haven’t figured this out yet, they have two nights now: Downtown on Fridays, and Uptown on Saturdays. I was never expecting their Saturday night party to be something I’d be very interested in. I never enjoyed Velvet Nation for oh so many reasons, and I figured their Saturday night party would be more of the same. My first quick tour of Town on Saturday night indicated to me that I was probably right.
However, Downtown sounded promising. Let’s review the description on the club’s website:
Every Friday, Town offers something different for DC…an edgier and more aggressive party serving up electropoprock…
Hey, sounds good. A gay dance night with an edge. I’m not quite sure what they mean by aggressive, though. Perhaps they’ll have mud wrestling or a fight club? Hm. And electropoprock? Well, all those syllables sound good but I am not quite sure what they all mean when smushed together. Taken as a whole, electropoprock sounds like a sort of battery-powered candy that fizzes in your mouth. But over all, sounds like it could be fun. Let’s read on.
with an emphasis on cutting edge music and avant garde performances for a crowd that wants something new and different…
Cutting edge music, huh? I guess they’re referring to that electropoprock again. I’m still not sure what they are referring to musically, but since I’m definitely a crowd-of-one that wants something new and different, maybe it could be something I’m interested in. Oh, wait. Avant garde performances? What could that mean. I’m getting nervous.
The night will feature special performances by our own dance troupe: X-faction, and our undercover frat boy go-go boys from up and down the east coast…
Ut oh. The have a dance troop? What night club has a dance troupe? Where’d they get this idea from, and why did they think that avant garde dance troop performances were the new-and-different I was wanting? Okay, and let’s take a deep breath and dissect this next part slowly: Undercover. Frat Boy. Go-Go Boys. From up and down the east coast. What makes them undercover? And what does the east coast have to do with this? Why does that matter? Ooh, this undercover frat boy go-go boy is from Myrtle Beach! Hot!
It goes on about drag performances and such, but I really just need to stop there…
Now for my one-minute review of how well Downtown met my expectations. First, there was nothing edgy about the music. I asked someone who worked there and he told me the downstairs was supposed to be the alterna-dj, but a Whitney Houston remix was playing when I walked in. The upstairs was no better. I think I might have eventually, once over the course of my stay, heard one song that could be found in my music collection.
Secondly, the avant garde performance that I saw was nothing more than a live version of a Britney Spears video or concert, except that there was no fake-tanned chubby blonde addict dancing on stage. (Or was there? I didn’t pay enough attention.) Oh, and they were dancing to Britney, too. Yeah, really avant garde, guys.
Finally, the frat boy go-go boys. The only thing fratty about the go-go boys was their age. I doubt any of them were 21 or older (good thing it’s an 18+ club night). These boys, honestly boys, had no chest hair and hardly any muscle definition. It was like they belonged in those homoerotic under-aged Calvin Klein photo ads shot in a wood-paneled basement.
So, needless to say, I won’t be including regular visits to Town on my calendar. I guess I should have known better to expect something like what Tracks used to be like back in the early 1990s. However, I talked with some friends and acquaintances I saw there, and I was clearly the biggest hater of them all. A few admitted to secretly enjoying trashy dance nights. Others didn’t mind the music so much, as I guess they are more open minded than I am.
Town’s ability to fill their brand new venue so quickly after opening speaks to an unmet need here in DC. But I have to wonder, are big dance clubs like this really good for our community? Do they provide good spaces for people to mix and mingle, meet and flirt? Or are they venues that
breed self-loathing and prey on the low self confidence that comes from
growing up gay in this crazy world.
What do you think? Do clubs like Town make cities better places to be gay?
As we’ve discussed before, there’s a new club in town: Town. I’ve heard it described as “Halo with dance floors” which I tend to agree with. I’ve been twice now, once on a Saturday for Uptown, and once on a Friday for Downtown. Needless to say, I have some thoughts about this.
to keep this short. i think the place sucked when it opened and i still do. what has its effect been on dc? more sucky places. if i did like town, like i would go to cobalt now that it too has white walls and pink lights. but since i don’t like town, i still don’t want to go to cobalt with its white walls and pink lights.
Apparently Town is now one of the largest clubs on the east coast, so many have closed down of late.
I think Town is a nice venue, and a definite improvement from Nation, and the particle-board hell that was Tracks. My rule of thumb these days is if you can tell something there is made of particle board or has dance boxes made of cheap plywood, it sucks.
I knew this review was going to be negative when I started to read the requisite apologetic comments on having even stepped foot in Town. We are sorry you had to go through such an ordeal for your readers. I’ll go get a nice cruxifix made out of particle board for you. Seriously, you think clubs contribute to self-loathing? I think that’s looking a little too deep into it all.
I think clubs are simply warehouses where people can gather, dance and meet each other, there’s no need to look any deeper than that. Relax, have a drink, and meet new people. People like to gather and party, period. And if such a venue does not meet your tastes, simply go elsewhere.
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