It’s an unfortunate side effect of internet culture – where people think they can do and say whatever they want because they are virtually anonymous (although, I don’t think I’d want my photograph associated with such pejorative language). I think people have ALWAYS been this way, it’s just easier for people to be jerks online.

My overall motto is to put absolutely NO FORMS OF NEGATIVITY in my profile whatsoever. It says a lot about a person that when given a small amount of space to describe oneself, that they choose to list all of the things they DON’T like. I’m Hispanic – yet I wouldn’t ever consider dating/hooking up with a guy who is actively seeking to hook up with Hispanic people. Liking the race, is still racism because you are objectifying it and using it as criteria for why you want to get together with someone.

I don’t get it there are guys that just have attidues for no reason idk how it is in other places in the world but in nyc its really difficult out here and I have been called annoying and for a long time I thought it was just my personality but then I started hearing the same thing from other gay guys in the community and from there I knew someone was wrong and it wasn’t me. I feel we need to be more united and start being more open to EVERYONE I get everyone has there preference however I feel like the majority of the gay communitys prefrence is 90 percent skinny and tall.

When I first lost weight like 3 years ago I for sure noticed a different aproach towards me there were guys who tried talking to me who I used to talk to and all of a sudden I loose weight and now I am “attractive”? Something has to change keep in mind I have gained some weight back but I have been told alone people who are straight that I am not even that big how are you single and I tell them about how the gay community is and there in shock and ask why I have accepted that is how the gay community is but I feel its just not right

Sadly, this view is all too common. We need to overcome these pressures and realize not everyone is a muscular, sex-addicted alpha male. Let’s focus on the good qualities in a partner (honesty, trust, etc.) instead of the shallow. Beauty fades.

but these arrogant bastards is ruin it for other people
whne I see heterosexuals having sexin there cars and goverment
vehicles at parks my phoned is dialed into 911

thats all these people
and gay men 2
men an another person devasted a park

now the community runs through trails where gays hang out take pictures
or an undercover cop sevral times a week..
so if you cannot play fair you cannot play..

henry

Interesting reading guys, thank you.

Firstly can I state the primary reaction to the opening post is “your ‘gay culture’ appears to be male only?!”

I identify as a gay female. I also Identify as very femme. My gf is what over here is called a soft butch (not sure if you have the same terminolgy?). With regard to “We need to stop using terms like fats, femmes, twinks, and trolls” why? we have no need to lose the terms, we have a need to lose the negativity attached to the terms. For some people they like their labels, it helps them identify in an already very complicated scene.

I happily identify as a femme, my best mate’s bf (OMG a lesbian who is friends with a gay male….fnacy that!) is massivly into his pet term “twinks” It is not the language that is wrong, but our perception and induction into the abuse of the language that is wrong.

I am all for keeping the language and reclaiming the pride attached to some of the terms.

Raising a glass to all the poofs, stone dykes, butches, leather boys etc etc keep your titles if you are happy with them, it identifies our own unique diversities

x

Good on you. Why blame muscle heads for going to the gym, then cry when they’re not interested because you’ve never been. If you’re fat and find it’s just as OK as Oprah says, don’t put yourself down or do it to anyone else. And ignore anyone who’s doing it to you because they don’t feel OK.

Our ideal love muffin is also often our ideal self. You’re better off to pursue the characteristics you admire, rather than depending on fate to hook you up with them?

At one time, I could bench my own weight. Bad news is that was 230 pounds on a 5’6″ frame. I’ve been to both extremes. From a 32″ waist to 54″ and back. That’s when I stopped worshiping looks and started looking for kindness, honesty, decency. You know what’s goony: when I find someone has those traits, I find them very appealing. The other thing that makes someone attractive is when they like me. LOL

And for future reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fitness_%28biology%29

I myself am overweight. Now, I could waste my time griping that homosexual men should get over their hangups and make themselves find me attractive, or I can just accept that it’s not going to happen, and then move on to accepting either being overweight and having a lower chance of finding a mate, or raising my chances by losing weight. Either course of action is up to me, and therefore choosing between them is my responsibility.

Whining that homos should be finding me attractive because there’s no reason for them not to defies reality and is counterproductive. It can only lead to resentment or worse.

So often queer people and maybe even humans in general (but definitely queer people, because we’re always looking for that needle in the gaystack) we dismiss people who we don’t find sexually attractive. We dehumanize them to the point where it’s okay to be mean to them and shit all over them (metaphorically speaking).

The solution is for everyone to stop conflating people’s value as human beings with their sexual attractiveness. Just because you don’t want to fuck someone doesn’t mean you have the right to be rude. Maybe we all need to wear those “Mean People Suck” t-shirts?