Politics: Ben For President: Department of Indoor Games and Activities
I am running for President. I am also searching for a VP. I’ve received a number of requests for positions in my Presidential Cabinet. I will be featuring them over the course of this week. If you want to serve, please send me a photo, the cabinet position you seek to fill, and a statement about how you think the world should be changed.
From:
Jeffrey Brady
Secretary of Indoor Games and Activities
Department of Indoor Games and Activities
Fellow Americans, I have served as director of indoor games and activities for my sushi club for over a week now. In that role, I have about as much responsibility as a mayor of a small Alaskan town. Therefore, I am qualified to be a member of the Carver Cabinet.
During my tenure as Director of Indoor Games and Activities, I have instituted indoor games such as “Dance Dance Revolution: Motherf*ckin’ Dance Off,” which is a gayer, drunker version of DDR. I helped dot foreheads with sparkling rhinestones at a Bollywood Poker Night pre-party. Recently, I reached across the aisle to attend a McCain supporter’s soiree. I brought a delicious ginger-soy couscous with caramelized onions. The praise, and the broth, were sumptuous.
But I will not rest on my laurels. If appointed to position of Secretary of Indoor Games and Activities, I would carry out new initiatives, such as buying complete home gyms for every gay/les/bi/trans person. Yes We Can give every homo the chance to possess Joe Six-pack abs. Furthermore as part of our economic/stylistic recovery plan, I will guarantee that every member of the queer nation will have a $150,000 wardrobe makeover each fiscal year. Homos with pets or adopted gay-bies will receive vouchers for pet/baby makeovers, as well.
Being a member of the Carver administration will allow me to show small-minded Americans that “the gays” really know how to have a good time. My goal is to spread the love and invite them to our party. And what a grand new party it will be!
Jeffrey also serves on the board for DC’s premiere storytelling organization, SpeakeasyDC.org.
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I nominate Leslie Hall for anything in your cabinet. Maybe Secretary of Lame Bodysuits and Large Glasses?
How We Go Out Version 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8WoyPEVRFo
Gem Sweater
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypn436DFTUQ
If I were a senator, I would vote to confirm Jeffrey Brady. The ayes have it!
I like the new initiatives (hooray for time-sensitive topical humor!), and that your served as mayor of a small Alaskan town. I guess being a cabinet secretary in the Carver administration is sort of like being a small town mayor, except you have actual comedic talent.
The real question is for Ben’s Supreme Court nominees: How do you feel about stare decisis? Do you think Tops vs. Bottoms was decided properly? Is it good case law?
Mark, I would welcome Leslie Hall, that bedazzled and shoulder-padded queen of the midwest, to my cabinet. I would name her special under-secretary of glamour-wear and blue eye shadow cosmotology. I will also consider her for the important position as the Czar for the “War on Boring Pants.”
Jon, I am afraid that as Secretary of Indoor Games and Activities, I would not have power over the Supreme Court. However, if the “Supremes” required my assistance for a charming garden party to celebrate their recent decision to (not just allow) but officially encourage gay marriage (to make up for lost time), I would be there in a heartbeat. With nametags, cocktails and finger sandwiches to share.
-Jeffrey
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