New Friends: Gay Only Need Apply
Jon (and his big mutt) recently moved to Shaw from upstate New York. He has previously written about what it’s like to be a Not-So-Obvious Gay.
One of my best friends from college told me something interesting the other day. Apparently his roommate (they’re both straight) told him that he should enjoy the time he has with me now, before I start exclusively hanging out with gay people. The roommate is apparently basing his advice on his own friendship with a gay friend from college. At the moment I’m new to DC, and I only recently came out, so I don’t have a ton of gay friends. But according to this roommate’s prediction, after a year or so that will all change, and I’ll only want to hang out with gays – leaving my straight friends behind.
It’s an interesting theory, and if I’m being completely honest with myself, I think there’s at least a small bit of truth to it. There’s obviously the ass factor – I want ass, so it makes sense that I’ll want to hang out with other guys who want gay ass. There’s also the comfort level and camaraderie that I can only truly get from being around other gays. That’s not to say that I can’t fully express who I am around my straight friends because I do, it’s more that it just isn’t the same. As you know, no matter how understanding and supportive our straight friends are, they’ll never be entirely on the same page.
Changing friends, or at least making new ones, is very much a natural thing. In college I made new friends, and while they didn’t replace my high school friends, they certainly seemed more relevant in my day to day life. Aside from a handful of lifelong relationships, most friends are situational. Tell me if this sounds familiar… you have a good set of friends at work, but then you leave for a different job, promises to stay in touch are made, but then after a few months, it just doesn’t seem worth it. Sound familiar? Sure. It’s because most friendships are situational – we enjoy bitching about our boss with these people, but once we no longer have that in common, things start to fade. It’s sad in a way, but I suppose it’s just human nature.
I don’t expect to suddenly start seeing my best friends less just because I’ve finally admitted that I like penis. What I do expect is that in the months ahead I’ll start replacing casual straight friends with casual gay friends. Seeing as we have more in common, it just makes sense.
First time here? See what we're all about... Get involved... Send us a tip!...
ive been out since i was 18 and ive always had mostly straight friends. recently ive become closer with a lot of bisexual and lesbian women but as far as dudes go, i can count my gay friends on maybe two hands and the times i see them per month on one.
i don’t have more gay friends than straight. i never have. i just got back to DC from visiting my hometown and the only gay friend i have left there is my ex, and he’s not really my friend, strictly speaking. i met that ex at a gay (well, gay-ish) bar with my straight friend justin acting as wing man.
and you know what, hanging out with those straight guys back home, i had more explicit, nasty, hilarious, truthful conversation about my gay sex life (and their straight sex too) than i generally get to have with the fags i know here.
so i guess my point is don’t give up your straight friends because you think they can’t help you score ass. they can. also, straight guys with any brains know that having a gay friend around is like, total catnip for girls. two way street man.
i don’t have more gay friends than straight. i never have. i just got back to DC from visiting my hometown and the only gay friend i have left there is my ex, and he’s not really my friend, strictly speaking. i met that ex at a gay (well, gay-ish) bar with my straight friend justin acting as wing man.
and you know what, hanging out with those straight guys back home, i had more explicit, nasty, hilarious, truthful conversation about my gay sex life (and their straight sex too) than i generally get to have with the fags i know here.
so i guess my point is don’t give up your straight friends because you think they can’t help you score ass. they can. also, straight guys with any brains know that having a gay friend around is like, total catnip for girls. two way street man.
i don’t have more gay friends than straight. i never have. i just got back to DC from visiting my hometown and the only gay friend i have left there is my ex, and he’s not really my friend, strictly speaking. i met that ex at a gay (well, gay-ish) bar with my straight friend justin acting as wing man.
and you know what, hanging out with those straight guys back home, i had more explicit, nasty, hilarious, truthful conversation about my gay sex life (and their straight sex too) than i generally get to have with the fags i know here.
so i guess my point is don’t give up your straight friends because you think they can’t help you score ass. they can. also, straight guys with any brains know that having a gay friend around is like, total catnip for girls. two way street man.
i don’t have more gay friends than straight. i never have. i just got back to DC from visiting my hometown and the only gay friend i have left there is my ex, and he’s not really my friend, strictly speaking. i met that ex at a gay (well, gay-ish) bar with my straight friend justin acting as wing man.
and you know what, hanging out with those straight guys back home, i had more explicit, nasty, hilarious, truthful conversation about my gay sex life (and their straight sex too) than i generally get to have with the fags i know here.
so i guess my point is don’t give up your straight friends because you think they can’t help you score ass. they can. also, straight guys with any brains know that having a gay friend around is like, total catnip for girls. two way street man.
i don’t have more gay friends than straight. i never have. i just got back to DC from visiting my hometown and the only gay friend i have left there is my ex, and he’s not really my friend, strictly speaking. i met that ex at a gay (well, gay-ish) bar with my straight friend justin acting as wing man.
and you know what, hanging out with those straight guys back home, i had more explicit, nasty, hilarious, truthful conversation about my gay sex life (and their straight sex too) than i generally get to have with the fags i know here.
so i guess my point is don’t give up your straight friends because you think they can’t help you score ass. they can. also, straight guys with any brains know that having a gay friend around is like, total catnip for girls. two way street man.
i don’t have more gay friends than straight. i never have. i just got back to DC from visiting my hometown and the only gay friend i have left there is my ex, and he’s not really my friend, strictly speaking. i met that ex at a gay (well, gay-ish) bar with my straight friend justin acting as wing man.
and you know what, hanging out with those straight guys back home, i had more explicit, nasty, hilarious, truthful conversation about my gay sex life (and their straight sex too) than i generally get to have with the fags i know here.
so i guess my point is don’t give up your straight friends because you think they can’t help you score ass. they can. also, straight guys with any brains know that having a gay friend around is like, total catnip for girls. two way street man.
I’m glad you brought this up, John. This is somethign I think about a lot. I used to be really judgemental about gays who only had gay friends, but that was when I wasn’t fully out. Now that I am out, the majority (but not all) of my friends are gay. The biggest reason for this is that when I’m with my gay friends I dont have to explain what its like to be gay. I dont have to tell people what a bear is, or why homos are more likely to have threesomes, or anything like that. I get to just enjoy myself and talk about my own gay life, vs. giving a lesson on it to an outsider.
Also, who has ever faulted a straight person for having only straight friends? People generally just like to be around others who are like them. Like the old “birds of a feather” saying.
I feel ya John. I too am an upstate New Yorker that “blossomed” late in life with few signs of gayness. Prior to such “blossoming” I was surrounded with straight friends. Somehow as time has progressed that has switched to gay friends and straight girls. I love my straight friends and I love my gay friends. Why the transition happened? I’m not sure. Probably had something to do with at least wanting some loving after hanging out at a crowded bar all night and talking about boy problems with straight men… I’ve usually found them less than fruitful experiences, with exception to my old straight male roommate. Btw, where in upstate are you from?
Thanks for the nice comments. It’s interesting to hear from other people who have been out and in DC longer.
Petrov, I’m from Syracuse.
Why are homos more likely to have threesomes? I’ve never had a threesome. Am I alone here?
This is my first foray into TNG. At first, I recoiled at the thought of replying to a posting here, because I likely do not fit into the general demographic that this blog speaks to. While by no means old, I likely have a good ten to fifteen years on most of the thought provoking and intelligent writers and readers whose (much appreciated) presence I’ve noted on here.
I will get to my point concerning this particular posting, but I wish to say that I’m just so bursting with pride for those GLBT people who make up the generation just behind my own; which brings me to my own perspective on this subject.
My better half and I attended gay days at Disneyland last year. The last time I had been was when Walt openned the park…NOT, I told you that I was older, but not that old. Anyway, the last time I had been, the park closed to the general public one evening each year, and turned it over to the “mo’s.” Of course, the park seemed ever more empty a place, with many of the rides and concessions closed, due to the drop off in attendance on that evening. “Gay Days,” as that event exists now is so much more fascinating.
We walked the streets together, dressed in the red attire that was suggested by the organizers of the event–the very same attire I begged not to wear, because I’ve never been much of a conformist–and I watched in awe of the wonderful gay and lesbian individuals who strode along the pathways, so clearly free of the shame that has often separated us from society in general. I was also impressed by the large number of straight folk who rarely blinked an eye at same gender couples strolling hand in hand. There were in attendence, straights with straights, gays with straights, gays with gays, and everything else in between.
I came out to my family and friends when I was 19 years old, but explained that I was conflicted and not yet ready to act upon my feelings. I had a strong evangelical background, and while I never doubted that the God that I hung my faith upon loved me just as I was, I struggled with disappointing my family members, who had invested so much hope in me. I began to self isolate from straight friends, who were going out to pick up on girls, and I had already my fill of leading girls on; I’d have no more of that.
Years dragged on, and never once did I “explore” my curiosity; instead, I allowed life to pass until I knew better knew and understood myself as a gay man. I went through school and grad school, and was lucky enough to be signed to an agency to do some modelling work, which helped considerably with my bills. About the time I finally came into the gay community, one of my jobs turned into something larger than I expected, placing me in a television commercial, print ads and a few billboards. I wasn’t gorgeous, but I took a good photo.
So, when I came out, I suddenly found myself surrounded by a mass of gay people, all of whom embraced me and called me a friend. A friend threw me a birthday party, and I was amazed to find well over 100 people there, stepped back in shock, and wondered how all these new faces had come into my life.
It was wonderful, after so many years of isolation, to be embraced by so many truly warm and kind gay people, and I enjoyed myself during that period of my life. Life, however, is a journey, and along the way we find that the landscape of our lives changes considerably.
It was not long before I recognized that true friendship is based on criteria that extends beyond sexuality. For instance, people–gay and straight–tend to put aside all sorts of preferences, but place an emphasis on belief and value systems. Of the many gay people who were kind enough to share my birthday with me on that particular night, I drew close, perhaps, 20. Of those twenty, today I remain very close to ten or so. What keeps us together are some of our shared values, and what we value most is mutual respect for our differences.
My partner and I finally got married on July 3rd of this year. Because we only won that right on June 16th (when the California Supreme Court’s decision went into affect), we found ourselves rushing to marry on a date that had to beat the November 4th elections, but that was different than what we had envision. We chose the 3rd of July, for that was the date we met ten years ago, at a bustling Starbucks located in one of California’s vast collection of suburbs.
We kept the ceremony small (we didn’t really want to include anyone with the slightest bit of reservation or judgement…no matter what that judgement might be) and we held it in our home to underscore the intimacy of the occassion. As we looked around at the beautiful faces of our friends who were in attendance, it occured to me that we had more straight people in our midst than gay, though we had invited what turned out to be an equal number of both.
While we missed those gay friends who were not in attendence, we realized that their own lives and obligations got in the way, and what we were left with was a great appreciation for all those in our lives: those at our ceremony and those absent; those old and young; those straight and gay; and those from all sorts of cultural, ethnic and religious backgrounds.
My father told me when I was younger that if I grew to be an adult who had just one good friend, that I’d be a very lucky man indeed. What I would leave anyone who challenged themselves to read through my long winded reply is that I count myself as being incredibly fortunate indeed, and that I have immense faith (far more faith than I had in myself or in my generation) that you all will live your lives with open hearts and great respect, and that you will one day look at the collage of friends in your lives with amazement, awe and appreciation…no matter what they are.
Leave your response!
Recent Coments
Most Commented
Most Viewed - 30 Days