Commentary: The Geeks Become Heroes?
Did anyone ever really feel cool as a middle-schooler? I know there are a couple people out there that got their boobs/voice change at 11 and first kiss at 12 and haven’t looked back, but that was the exception. Most of us seem to wear our awkward adolescences as shields, knowing that we earned our present degree of coolness (whatever that might be) through the painful years when , for example, our older sisters called us Dame Judi Dench for our crew cuts, postures and general mode of dress. But that was just me. (If you’re wondering, they also called me Sally Jesse for the red plastic glasses I needed to see the blackboard.)
Now, as a sort of grownup, I’m even more certain that there is a directly proportionate relationship between dorky childhoods and adult sophistication. And who had more dorky childhoods than this nation’s homos? With our lisps, bowl-cuts and proficiency at baking, we had even more chances to be ridiculed than our straight counterparts. Is that what truly gives gays their reputation for being on the cutting edge of arts and culture?
Think back to middle school for a second. Land of B.O., wet dreams and budding acorn bosoms. Also, the most rigidly defined social hierarchies this side of a pride of lions. While I’d say that no one was truly happy in those awkward times, there were definitely some people who were happier than others. It was the cool kids. Those who, for whatever reason, fit the acceptable social standards and lived their lives unmolested. Then there was everyone else.
Those who didn’t have the pressure of maintaining popularity in their formative years were given a lot more freedom to cultivate their own tastes. While my friends were out on middle school dates, seeing movies and kissing with tongue, I was at home cultivating an appreciation for 80′s music and vintage episodes of Saturday Night Live. And I wouldn’t be surprised if many of our readers had their own version of this.
So much so that it seems like dorky childhood stories and habits are replacing indie music one-upmanship as the pissing contest of choice for casual conversations. Is it safe to say that geek is the new cool? Clunky glasses, striped calf-socks and thick sweaters are commonplace at DC bars and clubs. American Apparel‘s entire business model seems to center around bringing the dorky styles of yesteryear to the here-and-now.
But then again, if we endured our Paul Feiffer years we should be able to move past them however we want to. Some people bury all memories of Magic: The Gathering and sticker collections and pretend that they’ve been cheerleaders since they could walk. But I think they do themselves a disservice. I have known a couple people that were legitimately popular in high school and middle school and I sometimes get the impression that, for them, its all been downhill since. If you don’t have those rough years to hone you as a person, you can get the impression that good things naturally come to you. You have less reason to work for them.
Or maybe the former dorks club of America is so all-encompassing that we all define it in our own separate ways. What are some of your most embarrasing middle school stories/habits/fashion choices? How do you think they’ve helped form you into the person you are now?
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Maybe b/c dorks were never cool they subconsciously pursue that as adults. Maybe that accounts for their relentless affectation of hipster poses. Even though they look great and are “cool” it’s kind of irrelevant. The pursuit of “cool” is just more dorkness: instead of Star Wars it’s now about being a “hipster” and proving coolness.
The dork/cool kid dichotomy reminds me of how the straight kids had a normal adolescence of dating and sexual exploration while the queer kids had to repress all attractions and stunt normal sexual/mental development. The result? Generally, gay guys are always 10 years behind: 20s are teenaged exploration, 30s serial dating, 40s committed relationships.
That being said I think dorks and nerds are incredibly sexy. Stay skinny and please wear glasses.
Viva la dork.
To answer Zack’s question about why gays/lesbians are drawn to the arts (and therefore have the “artistic” reputation), read Michael Bronski’s Culture Clash: The Making of Gay Sensibility. (It’s out of print, but easily and cheaply available through http://www.abebooks.com, among other ‘Net book venues). Daniel Harris’s The Rise and Fall of Gay Culture addresses the question, too, but it’s basically a poorly researched rehash of what Bronski wrote about years before.
wait…am i the only one here who had a fair amount of gay sex as a teenager? i never “dated” anyone per se, but i would definitely not characterize my adolescence as devoid of “sexual exploration”.
wait…am i the only one here who had a fair amount of gay sex as a teenager? i never “dated” anyone per se, but i would definitely not characterize my adolescence as devoid of “sexual exploration”.
wait…am i the only one here who had a fair amount of gay sex as a teenager? i never “dated” anyone per se, but i would definitely not characterize my adolescence as devoid of “sexual exploration”.
wait…am i the only one here who had a fair amount of gay sex as a teenager? i never “dated” anyone per se, but i would definitely not characterize my adolescence as devoid of “sexual exploration”.
wait…am i the only one here who had a fair amount of gay sex as a teenager? i never “dated” anyone per se, but i would definitely not characterize my adolescence as devoid of “sexual exploration”.
wait…am i the only one here who had a fair amount of gay sex as a teenager? i never “dated” anyone per se, but i would definitely not characterize my adolescence as devoid of “sexual exploration”.
I may have been one of those people who had her first kiss at 12, and who needed a bra at 11, but I was also a super-nerd (and still kind of am).
My middle school fashion choices ranged from thermal henleys to flannel shirts to Airwalks. It wasn’t a good look for me.
One of my best friends says it best: “If you were cool in middle school, you are an asshole.”
Hard to generalize here. Certainly I know some people who seem to have been handed a "Master of the Universe" card at age 11 and never looked back.
Those are rare cases though. In my own family, my older sister was at the bottom of the food chain in middle school, and I was near the top.
Then we moved to a new city, she lost the orthodontia, and "became hot" (Do I get a pass to say that about my sister since I'm gay?).
Either way, she became one of the "cool kids" in high school, while I
was definitely nothing remarkable at either end of the social scale.
Looking back, I realize I was probably happier than her during this time (not that that's saying much). She often had semi-breakdowns about really minor shit, worried a lot about getting busted for booze/weed, etc. Probably a lot of body image dysmorphia or eating disorder shit I was unaware of.
Today it's probably a toss up as to who of us is happier. She's recently married to a fellow conservative Catholic lawyer, glad to play Fertile Myrtle. I suspect she still has a rather large princess complex, but thankfully that's not my shit to deal with.
In my case, the males in my family are expected to take one of three routes following undergrad: Join the family business, join the seminary, or go to professional school.
When I realized during my freshman year of college that this whole digging dudes thing wasn't going anywhere, I started to see how that could cause some problems with options 1 & 2. So I positioned myself for a professional career, independent of family or church.
Perhaps much of what I do is a (fruitless) attempt to prove to my parents that yes, I can be successful on my own (gay) terms. Maybe I am simply trying to prove that to myself; I don't know.
Either way, I certainly feel more pressure (whatever the source may be) to thrive. I guess that's probably a good thing- no humans are ever totally satisfied.
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