This post was submitted by occasional contributor Allison.

From a young age, my mother always pontificated two life-lessons (1) Always have clean underwear and (2) use a condom. “Mom I’m going to see a movie.” “Ok sugar, check your undie drawer, and make sure someone has a condom.” These diamonds of wisdom could be the reason why I am now dating a woman and seldom wear underwear. Breathing is easier now that I have almost eliminated these two prevalent issues. Of course, with one issue gone, another arises. Camel toe is the new bareback mountain I must overcome.

I was wearing long yoga-like pants at the gym the other day when I decided to sit on the popular “abs ball” to do some body sculpting. Right as I sat down, everyone could read… my…lips. Embarrassing at first, I quickly pulled my pants out of my crotch only to see two men smirking in the background.

Maybe, MAYBE we can turn camel toe into something that means power, solidity, and buoyancy. “Damn girl, you show that toe. Stomp all over me with that toe!” I wish I had the confidence to rock ‘the toe.’ For now, it seems we need to ban together and let other women know that their clam is eating their pants hoping to make a beautiful pearl.

Maybe my vagina said something to those men at the gym that day. Hopefully something real dirty.

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