~ A not-dead-yet 26 year old

Thanks for the post, Ben!

The thing is, I don’t even look close to 40, I get pegged between 28-35. I look young, I’m in very good shape and longevity and high constitution run in BOTH sides of my family.

Most of the people in my family die because they simply didn’t take care of them selves well enough, but even then, it’s well into the 80′s and 90′s when it finally gets to be all to much, and even then it’s years of lousy health and daily pain.

Which has inspired me to take care of myself, unlike the rest of my family. Which means I will probably live to be over 100.

Which when I was 20, seemed interesting. Now at 40, living to 100 seems less appealing.

First, I don’t think my other half will live as long I will. He takes care of himself as much as I do. It’s something we do together.

And that’s where my dread of growing old comes in. I don’t want to be the first to die. I also don’t want to be the one to go second.

We’ve been together for ten years.

How will I cope after 40 more years together?

If I go first, I hate to think of my other half having to go through that grieving, and not be able to comfort him.

At the same time, After 50 years of being with someone, if they go first, I think I will lose my mind from the absence of their presence. I don’t want the end of my life to be crushed under the grief of lose.

And if I out live all my friends, who will be there for me? I don’t want to be the last one alive, with everyone else gone to the grave.

My God, I just depressed myself.