“Gays and lesbians have had to experience the stigma of homosexuality usually before they experience the stigma of being old. For those individuals who have positively dealt with the homosexual stigma, it appears to make the stigma of growing old less difficult.“

Most gay men I know are terrified of getting old. I have my own concerns also, like anyone. Mainstream gay culture equates youth with worth, and is often openly hostile to the community elders who have fought for our rights and advanced our cause during a transition of great public hatred and a holocaust of disease.

The hostility and stigma against the older generation is rooted in our own fears. The stereotype of the bitter, lecherous, and unhappy old queen is often scarier than status co-morbities such as crows feet, hair loss, and sagging skin. We deny those who embody our fears, and in the process we enslave ourselves to emotional insecurity and delay the maturity and personal growth necessary to developing meaningful relationships and a healthy sense of self.

However, as scary as this inevitable transition may be, you might be surprised to find out some interesting facts about growing old as a gay or lesbian person. According to Lynda Wolf, a psychology professor at Webster University, “The image of the older gay man or lesbian as depressed, isolated, desperate, and sexless is prevalent,” but “does not hold up empirically.”

Webster says that studies show that gay people are forced to both develop greater self-acceptance and self-confidence because we must deal with the adversity of marginalization. This allows us to deal with aging more effectively than many heterosexuals. Many straight people never face the level of marginalization that we do until they age, and they struggle more as they age because they don’t possess the coping skills that allows one to successfully deal with the stigma of aging.

Research also shows that “lesbians and gay men were more likely to have a network of close friends than heterosexuals,” and that we “are not dependent on family for their emotional support and needs.”

Webster also states we are:
“much less likely to experience an empty nest syndrome, as support already comes from outside the home. Second, the community affords older gays and lesbians the opportunity to meet new people and socialize. As the homosexual community is usually noted for it diversity, older individuals have the opportunity to socialize with a wide range of individuals, young and old. In addition, work relations usually do not make up the majority of personal contacts outside the home for the gay and lesbian. Thus, upon retirement, the network of friends that the gay or lesbian has made remains relatively unchanged. The establishment of friendship networks or communities appears to make the aging process easier for gays and lesbians.”

While we still have concerns about healthcare and housing, we are seeing that these issues are being addressed currently, and will likely be less of an issue in the future.

Ultimately, the facts tell us that we are situated to age well. Our most difficult challenge is not to survive a pre-ordained stereotypical identity, its choosing to develop our character and intellect so that we age with dignity, style, grace, and self-love.

Source: Lynda Wolf