Comments on: Homo Brother on the Outside http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html For Everyone Over the Rainbow Sat, 20 Mar 2010 22:32:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Craig http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1934 Craig Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:54:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1934 I was going to write something about this as well. I also find that having tastes beyond rap and r&b--and liking geeky things and indie music--gets you termed as an Oreo. (Which, of course, is ridculous--there are plenty of off-the-beaten path POC in indie lit and books and movies). As uncomfortable as it sometimes makes me to attend SF conventions, shows at the Black Cat, etc, I still show up. There is always at least one person whose desire to 'geek out' is stronger than discomfort at dealing with PoC. I was going to write something about this as well. I also find that having tastes beyond rap and r&b–and liking geeky things and indie music–gets you termed as an Oreo. (Which, of course, is ridculous–there are plenty of off-the-beaten path POC in indie lit and books and movies). As uncomfortable as it sometimes makes me to attend SF conventions, shows at the Black Cat, etc, I still show up. There is always at least one person whose desire to ‘geek out’ is stronger than discomfort at dealing with PoC.

]]> By: omgyawu http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1933 omgyawu Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:51:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1933 Thought provoking indeed, Tyrone. <br/><br/>As a black gay male who is currently attending school in washington DC I can say that this is an issue that resonates with me. The part that I find interesting is that the internalized racism factor is so cyclical. There's nothing like being a QPOC attempting to approach another QPOC in the company of their white friends and being shot down. <br/><br/>I would also say that I think Washington DC is a unique community to be having this discussion. To a relative outsider, there seems to be a lot of racial tension brewing underneath our common exterior. The disturbing HIV/AIDS rates in particular communities, gentrification in 'up and coming neighborhoods', and homelessness all have their own relationship to the gay community as well. <br/><br/>Wow, that wasn't supposed to sound bitter. Just some additional food for thought. Thought provoking indeed, Tyrone.

As a black gay male who is currently attending school in washington DC I can say that this is an issue that resonates with me. The part that I find interesting is that the internalized racism factor is so cyclical. There’s nothing like being a QPOC attempting to approach another QPOC in the company of their white friends and being shot down.

I would also say that I think Washington DC is a unique community to be having this discussion. To a relative outsider, there seems to be a lot of racial tension brewing underneath our common exterior. The disturbing HIV/AIDS rates in particular communities, gentrification in ‘up and coming neighborhoods’, and homelessness all have their own relationship to the gay community as well.

Wow, that wasn’t supposed to sound bitter. Just some additional food for thought.

]]> By: runnybabbit http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1932 runnybabbit Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:57:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1932 pascale-not redundant at all! I think most people assume theyre doing everybody a favor by remaining within their comfort zones to avoid saying something "un-p.c." or offensive to someone whose background they can't understand. I, myself, have always been a proponent of working through our ignorance and prejudices (we ALL have them) so that we can come to a clearer understanding that, at the end of the day, all of these individual identities we nurture are secondary to the basic fundamental similarities we share as humans. Thank you for making the effort. pascale-not redundant at all! I think most people assume theyre doing everybody a favor by remaining within their comfort zones to avoid saying something “un-p.c.” or offensive to someone whose background they can’t understand. I, myself, have always been a proponent of working through our ignorance and prejudices (we ALL have them) so that we can come to a clearer understanding that, at the end of the day, all of these individual identities we nurture are secondary to the basic fundamental similarities we share as humans. Thank you for making the effort.

]]> By: Pascale http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1930 Pascale Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:17:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1930 This is a very good article:) being a QPOC i find myself attracted to the whole bennetton rainbow. But i must admit that american media plays a large part on people's perception of what beauty should be. I have grown up outside of the states and have been around people who are not marginalized based on race but of class (which isn’t any better). As a result, I tend to date women of a certain personality and physicality and not based on race. With that said, there’s always a way to make a change within your own community. I personally can’t change the type of women that I’m attracted to but I can be open to new people and experiences. I’ve been to so many white queer events where the only two black people (this does not include the regulars) just sit in the corner and have this look of disdain. If you have the courage to come to a different social setting then have the courage to force tolerance in other people. I am black, there’s no doubt about it but I refuse to make it a hindrance in my own gay community. And in order to meet me half way, white people should start asking questions if they are uncomfortable, or if you have a safe space share it with your colored friends. This breaks the ice (for ex. Hobbies). Color should never be an issue. Silence is the enemy. (note: just writing this stuff seems a little redundant) This is a very good article:) being a QPOC i find myself attracted to the whole bennetton rainbow. But i must admit that american media plays a large part on people’s perception of what beauty should be. I have grown up outside of the states and have been around people who are not marginalized based on race but of class (which isn’t any better). As a result, I tend to date women of a certain personality and physicality and not based on race. With that said, there’s always a way to make a change within your own community. I personally can’t change the type of women that I’m attracted to but I can be open to new people and experiences. I’ve been to so many white queer events where the only two black people (this does not include the regulars) just sit in the corner and have this look of disdain. If you have the courage to come to a different social setting then have the courage to force tolerance in other people. I am black, there’s no doubt about it but I refuse to make it a hindrance in my own gay community. And in order to meet me half way, white people should start asking questions if they are uncomfortable, or if you have a safe space share it with your colored friends. This breaks the ice (for ex. Hobbies). Color should never be an issue. Silence is the enemy. (note: just writing this stuff seems a little redundant)

]]> By: Pascale http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1931 Pascale Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:17:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1931 This is a very good article:) being a QPOC i find myself attracted to the whole bennetton rainbow. But i must admit that american media plays a large part on people's perception of what beauty should be. I have grown up outside of the states and have been around people who are not marginalized based on race but of class (which isn’t any better). As a result, I tend to date women of a certain personality and physicality and not based on race. With that said, there’s always a way to make a change within your own community. I personally can’t change the type of women that I’m attracted to but I can be open to new people and experiences. I’ve been to so many white queer events where the only two black people (this does not include the regulars) just sit in the corner and have this look of disdain. If you have the courage to come to a different social setting then have the courage to force tolerance in other people. I am black, there’s no doubt about it but I refuse to make it a hindrance in my own gay community. And in order to meet me half way, white people should start asking questions if they are uncomfortable, or if you have a safe space share it with your colored friends. This breaks the ice (for ex. Hobbies). Color should never be an issue. Silence is the enemy. (note: just writing this stuff seems a little redundant) This is a very good article:) being a QPOC i find myself attracted to the whole bennetton rainbow. But i must admit that american media plays a large part on people’s perception of what beauty should be. I have grown up outside of the states and have been around people who are not marginalized based on race but of class (which isn’t any better). As a result, I tend to date women of a certain personality and physicality and not based on race. With that said, there’s always a way to make a change within your own community. I personally can’t change the type of women that I’m attracted to but I can be open to new people and experiences. I’ve been to so many white queer events where the only two black people (this does not include the regulars) just sit in the corner and have this look of disdain. If you have the courage to come to a different social setting then have the courage to force tolerance in other people. I am black, there’s no doubt about it but I refuse to make it a hindrance in my own gay community. And in order to meet me half way, white people should start asking questions if they are uncomfortable, or if you have a safe space share it with your colored friends. This breaks the ice (for ex. Hobbies). Color should never be an issue. Silence is the enemy. (note: just writing this stuff seems a little redundant)

]]> By: Robert http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1929 Robert Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:59:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1929 Thanks, Tyrone. It is too early to tell if this is going to be "the same ole shit in a different uniform and venue." It is our hope that this website can in some ways help facilitate community building. Admittedly, this site is not for everyone. By that, I mean the issues, features, and voices will in large party reflect those who share similar visions about gay life in DC. These are best articulated in the section "What is the new gay?" (look at the upper hand left side of the site). Some folks might be turned off by the project, others might be supportive. We hope to be as inclusive as possible and welcome anyone who feels like they can make a positive contribution. -Robert Thanks, Tyrone. It is too early to tell if this is going to be “the same ole shit in a different uniform and venue.” It is our hope that this website can in some ways help facilitate community building. Admittedly, this site is not for everyone. By that, I mean the issues, features, and voices will in large party reflect those who share similar visions about gay life in DC. These are best articulated in the section “What is the new gay?” (look at the upper hand left side of the site). Some folks might be turned off by the project, others might be supportive. We hope to be as inclusive as possible and welcome anyone who feels like they can make a positive contribution. -Robert

]]> By: Anonymous http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1928 Anonymous Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:56:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1928 Representation of QPOC is lacking, and I do feel there should be more. No all gay whites will shun the discussion. I am a huge proponent of bringing up issues of race, religion, socioeconomic class, and gender expression in the area of sexuality. On Thursday, April 24, there is a discussion of African-American queers called "Brothers and Sisters under the Rainbow" being held up near Van Ness Metro Station. Here is a link: http://thedccenter.blogspot.com/2008/03/brothers-and-sisters-under-rainbow.html<br/><br/>On a personal note, I have dated outside my race, and I didn't date the guy because he was black, hispanic, or arab. I pursued relationships with them for who they were as individuals not to check off a box in my diversity awareness.<br/><br/>From a Supportive Honky<br/>* Sorry I watch way too much Drawn Together and Family Guy. Representation of QPOC is lacking, and I do feel there should be more. No all gay whites will shun the discussion. I am a huge proponent of bringing up issues of race, religion, socioeconomic class, and gender expression in the area of sexuality. On Thursday, April 24, there is a discussion of African-American queers called “Brothers and Sisters under the Rainbow” being held up near Van Ness Metro Station. Here is a link: http://thedccenter.blogspot.com/2008/03/brothers-and-sisters-under-rainbow.html

On a personal note, I have dated outside my race, and I didn’t date the guy because he was black, hispanic, or arab. I pursued relationships with them for who they were as individuals not to check off a box in my diversity awareness.

From a Supportive Honky
* Sorry I watch way too much Drawn Together and Family Guy.

]]> By: smergio http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1927 smergio Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:16:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1927 as a hispanic gay male i always questioned my attraction to mainly white people. all the guys ive dated - white. i wondered if it was internalized racism. i went to a predominantly white private school. i knew i wasnt white but was treated just the same as everyone and my ethnicity was never brought into question. when i went to visit family in chile though i was continually pointed out for being a gringo. a lot of the issues with being gay also affected how i interacted with my chilean family since they are far less accepting of homosexuality. i have trouble saying that its internalized racism because a lot of it is just what im used to and what i feel is safer for me in the long run. ive always met my boyfriends families - my family has never really gotten to know any of my boyfriends or even wanted to. i want a family network that extends beyond me and my partner.<br/><br/>i feel like as qpoc we shouldnt give up and instead we should make ourselves more visible. i get so mad when i hear things like well everyone is white so this isnt for me. make it for you, put yourself out there, and then others will feel more comfortable and eventually itll become more diverse. be a role model to all the qpoc who are too scared to be out in a white world. if we feel forced into margins we should apply force back. to be a progressive community qpoc and white people have to meet each other half way. we just cant give up so easily. as a hispanic gay male i always questioned my attraction to mainly white people. all the guys ive dated – white. i wondered if it was internalized racism. i went to a predominantly white private school. i knew i wasnt white but was treated just the same as everyone and my ethnicity was never brought into question. when i went to visit family in chile though i was continually pointed out for being a gringo. a lot of the issues with being gay also affected how i interacted with my chilean family since they are far less accepting of homosexuality. i have trouble saying that its internalized racism because a lot of it is just what im used to and what i feel is safer for me in the long run. ive always met my boyfriends families – my family has never really gotten to know any of my boyfriends or even wanted to. i want a family network that extends beyond me and my partner.

i feel like as qpoc we shouldnt give up and instead we should make ourselves more visible. i get so mad when i hear things like well everyone is white so this isnt for me. make it for you, put yourself out there, and then others will feel more comfortable and eventually itll become more diverse. be a role model to all the qpoc who are too scared to be out in a white world. if we feel forced into margins we should apply force back. to be a progressive community qpoc and white people have to meet each other half way. we just cant give up so easily.

]]> By: Chris http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1926 Chris Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:47:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1926 Thank you for writing this! <br/><br/>I think what you said about the gay media (and media in general) influencing who we are attracted to is sooo true. I think I may have a case of the reverse -- I sometimes wonder if one of the reasons I find black women so attractive is that black women's bodies have been hypersexualized by the media. I hope that's not the case, but since I've been seeped in these images for years, sometimes it's hard to tell.<br/><br/>Also, ditto to Greg's comment; I would love to hear more of what you have to say. I like talking to people whose perspectives may be different from mine; if we all come from the same backgrounds and we all know the same thing, it gets pretty boring. Thank you for writing this!

I think what you said about the gay media (and media in general) influencing who we are attracted to is sooo true. I think I may have a case of the reverse — I sometimes wonder if one of the reasons I find black women so attractive is that black women’s bodies have been hypersexualized by the media. I hope that’s not the case, but since I’ve been seeped in these images for years, sometimes it’s hard to tell.

Also, ditto to Greg’s comment; I would love to hear more of what you have to say. I like talking to people whose perspectives may be different from mine; if we all come from the same backgrounds and we all know the same thing, it gets pretty boring.

]]> By: Greg Fletcher-Marzullo http://thenewgay.net/2008/04/homo-brother-on-outside.html#comment-1925 Greg Fletcher-Marzullo Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:06:00 +0000 http://tngmichael.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/homo-brother-on-the-outside/#comment-1925 I think this is a great post, thank you!<br/><br/>I'm wondering what your thoughts/suggestions are for white people to break through this or at the very least address the issue. What would be ways that are constructive, culturally celebratory and effective? I think this is a great post, thank you!

I’m wondering what your thoughts/suggestions are for white people to break through this or at the very least address the issue. What would be ways that are constructive, culturally celebratory and effective?

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