Is Dating Dead?

10 March 2008, 4:33 pm No Comments

Commentary: Is Dating Dead?

I was having a conversation with the best friend the other night about the last dates we went on. Mine was in July. As in I haven’t been on a date in eight months. But in that time, I have had sex with a number of people. (To avoid sounding promiscuous, I will not say the number, other than it is more than five but less than ten). Does this seem right? Chances are if you’re a single person in any city, the same is true for you too.

I entertained the notion that maybe I’m just easy. But surveys conducted among friends show that the same is true for them too. People can’t remember the last dates they went on, but they remember their last three one night stands. Something about this really doesn’t seem right to me.

So is dating dead? Do we all just hook up and not need to go on dates or learn about each other? Is there no need to form more meaningful connections? Have people lost the desire for more than just sex? When I go out to bars, no one asks for my phone number, but they ask me to go home with them. When I do go, it’s because I know that it’s a random thing and wouldn’t turn into anything anyway. One time I gave someone the choice, and he picked just taking me home. I went, but it was not good for my self esteem. When I went out this weekend, someone I talked to for awhile assumed that I was taking them home, and this assumption made it game over for me.

Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but some night I actually want someone to ask for my phone number, call me, go on a date, and THEN kiss me. After this weekend, I’ve decided to set this limit for myself: no sex without a date first. I’ll check back in with you when I haven’t had sex in 6 months and am ready to lose my mind.

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Kaysey said:

This sounds like an interesting challenge.

I’m setting the limit too and I look forward to your 6 month update.

10 March 2008 at 4:36 pm

jimbo said:

I think if someone wants to go on a date, they’ll date. And if they want to trick, they’ll trick. Lately I’ve been more in the mood for the latter, but have had plenty of dates when I’m in the mood for dating.

I don’t think it’s a trend, it’s a temporal preference. Don’t worry, you’re fine.

10 March 2008 at 4:46 pm

jimbo said:

I don’t think it’s a trend, it’s a temporal preference. Don’t worry, you’re fine.

10 March 2008 at 4:46 pm

Zack said:

I tried for a while last year to not have sex with anyone I wasn’t actually interested in. The result? I stopped having sex for two months before saying “fuck it” (literally) and attempting to make up for lost time. Be very careful.

10 March 2008 at 4:46 pm

Ms. Cavanaugh said:

I don’t think it’s as easy as just wanting to date, since I’ve been wanting to for awhile. But maybe by not having casual hookups anymore my dating karma will change.

And I will be careful, Zack. We all know what happened when I tried to “make up for lost time” in September.

10 March 2008 at 5:19 pm

smergio said:

i grew up reading francesca lia block books who always wrote about these romantic chance encounters. like love was pre-destined. its what makes me obsessed with i saw you ads/missed connections so much. it is rare for that to happen though and i learned for a while that people just arent as romantic as stories make them out to be. i used to only meet guys who i worked with or who i met online (which is a total disaster.) the boy im with currently was the first person to ever leave me his card with his number. and we went on countless dates and defined our relationship before doing it. i was never one for one-night stands (probably because im shy and my fear of becoming another std statistic.) honestly it was a long long long long lonely wait. sometimes i envy my friends who can have sex without emotion. sometimes i feel restless and feel like i missed out on my slutty high school phase. but sex with a relationship is so much better than a one night stand!!! i wish you luck with your date first rule!!!

10 March 2008 at 6:25 pm

Cory said:

zack, i have a story similar to yours in that i had also decided i would not have sex with anyone i wasn’t interested in. however, my celibacy (somehow) lasted for 19 months. i like to say that i grew my virginity back during that time. yikes… there were some other issues involved surrounding that decision and my ability to stick to it, but yeah.

that said i have only recently made my first foray into actually “dating” some peeps. and coming from a place where i made no more than a superficial connection to anyone, i have to say it’s about seventeen thousand times more satisfying to get to know someone and care for them–even if it is just in the like “you’re a person, i’m a person, let’s hug” sense.

10 March 2008 at 7:23 pm

adam isn't here said: