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14 January 2008, 2:27 pm 18 Comments

Commentary: Butt Acne and the Gay Agenda


I’ve never heard of butt acne. If it weren’t for the ad ticker in gmail I probably never would have. My curiosity was piqued, so I decided to learn more via the internet. Apparently, “Butt Acne is nothing to be ashamed of. Both men and women suffer from this condition, some more than other, but it is not gender specific.” I also learned “that acne on the buttocks is not any different than any other kind of acne”, and that “it should be treated the same as any other type of acne.” As one might assume, it also has the potential to be much more painful than acne on other parts of the body.

I struggled with acne when I was a teenager, and my self-esteem was in bloody tatters because of it. Thus, I’ve always had a high degree of empathy for anyone who suffers from it. The person who invented the drugs my dermatologist gave me at 20 years of age? They should be given the Presidential Medal of Honor and have their face planted on the 20 dollar bill. Those pro-actin commercials? Let’s just say there’s an especially warm spot in my heart for Judith Light, and that I don’t make jokes at the expense of Jessica Simpson, even if she deserves it.

Years ago I hooked up with a cute guy who looked like a young Viggo Mortensen. He was exceptionally sweet, yet shy and always at emotional arms length. Even in a crowd of people, engaging him directly produced a feeling of being pulled into a dream, if only for the moments spent speaking with him. He also had a knack of pulling all the quietness from a room and convincing it to keep his company. Mystery being an aphrodisiac, I had to sleep with him. He insisted on turning off all the lights. Bent over in front of me as I fucked him, recognition replaced mystery as I became well acquainted with what was later explained to me as “bacne.” In a moment I understood him in that way only conspirators and survivors are capable. I was empathetic, I treated him well, and while not proud of it, I never called him again.

For gay men in particular, acne is the worst and most peevish of God’s punishments, and the most worthy reason to rebuke him. Those who struggle with it would gladly burn in hell if it mean’t never suffering through another pizza rash, another Saturday night at home, another downward glance. In a tribe with a fundamentalist religion in which the creation and worship of beauty is a central tenet, the mirror is an altar and the young are its high priests. When I see a young pimple faced gay boy, I think of him standing before the altar in his crisis of faith, and it hurts my heart.

If there really is a gay agenda, there needs to be a committee that deals with this issue. That way, every gay kid that comes out of the closet is given not only a copy of the Immaculate Collection, a DVD of “The Women”, and a box of condoms, but also a buttload of free Erythromycin and Corticosteroid Injections. It just seems like the gay thing to do.


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18 Comments »

  • onestepahead said:

    “Bloody tatters.” Good one.
    However aren’t you only enabling the deification of the clear-faced man by advocating that coming out be accompanied by medication. Maybe our attitudes, and not our faces, are what really need fixing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • adam isn't here said:

    puh-leeeze onestepahead. you go get a fat, smelly, pizza faced, cross-eyed boyfriend then. i’m sure trifling matters like looks, weight and body odor aren’t significant considerations when you look for a sex partner. god i can’t even type that without laughing.

  • Anonymous said:

    I, for one, suspect that a moderate amount of acne kept me alive during the early 90s… so I think that, much like the empathy you feel, there are many ways in which our human frailties offer us strength.

  • Anonymous said:

    Well… I remember I had just as many pimples as most people when I was a teen. So far, no problem. Then I became 18, and I acquired a grade 3 acne. Great. My acne just started to recede when I was 23 (I’m 25 now). No wonder I just lost my virginity with 23. Not that I couldn’t have lost it before, but acne was such a major turn-off for me. Even today I have an acne tendency, and now and then I have some spot, but nowadays I know that those that would reject me because of a just a few spots are shallow people that would never attract me even if I had no acne.

  • Anonymous said:

    First of all, the guy who wrote this article is really shallow. He writes as if acne is the worst thing in the world. It is part of being human. There are a lot of really attractive guys with terrible acne and a lot of ugly guys with perfect skin. So, acne has nothing to do with hindering beauty. People who make a big deal of acne are usually immature, unintelligent and worldly. My friend has told me that acne has been a blessing for him, because he can ferret through the stupid people who have no deep understanding of higher philosophy, and get to the real people who are worthwhile. People like the author of this article are a waste of time and should go back to school and learn to be a mature human being.

  • Anonymous said:

    One of the reasons why gays aren’t taken seriously…is because people like you are portraying them to be cheap, materialistic morons.

  • Jon Beauvais said:

    Hi, Name is Jon Beauvais . I am a 23 year old gay male and live in Vegas. I consider myself attractive and have no problems with acne. My face is clear, but that is the problem! I LOVE ACNE. I wish I had severe acne covering my face, neck, back, shoulders, chest, my whole body should be a zit. I also am getting dental braces and keeping my hair long and greasy. I am finally transforming myself into the type of gay guy I covet. I’m becoming the guy I wish I was finally! Severe acne on a guy is a huge turn on for me. I let this guy I picked up last week rub his face all over mine, after I shaved, so I can catch the acne by having greasy skin, my pores will close and the grease will cause first a nice black head, then a white head, then a huge zits will take my skin over. I so want to have my wish come true!! I wished hard that I could buy a body suit of a greasy, smelly, armpits unwashed, skin covered with dirt, and my hair is long shoulder length and greasy, and my beard is just right — A scruffy beard and stache, but long covering huge crops of zits, I can harvest the white pus from. I love sucking on a guys acne in hopes I will catch it. If some gay guys want and then become human toilets. I can become a huge dork with long stringy greasy hair, severe facial acne, bacne, chest acne, shoulders covered heavily, I wish my face looked like a pepperoni pizza. I so covet and envy guys that have zits and braces. Oh how much I wish I can trade bodies with them. I also love wearing holey, dirty, sweat soaked football practice jerseys, unwashed underwear, torn scuzzy jean shorts with holes and bleach spots, and a pair of Buster Brown White sneakers from 1974, moldy, dirty, smelly jock feet smell, sneakers so filthy and worn, that I decided to use them a s drinking glasess, so I can have all the filth from the acne faced dork soak into ny stomach and enter my bloodstream and take over me body. PLASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE MY WISHES AND DREAMS OF BECOMING ANOTHER GAY MAIL DORK, EITH BY FORCED TRANSMIGRATION OF CONSCIOUSNESS INTO HIS BODY, THUS i HAVE BECOME hIM.

  • dkhsws said:

    I am a 22 year old gay guy living with nodular acne. I have it on my back,chest, and little areas of my glutes -_- gasp yes I know. I’ve tried Accutane and let me just say it wasn’t worth it…it came with alot of painful side effects and causes permanent organ damage. Yea not happenin. So I went off. But point is, its really tiring and exhausting to be a young fit gay who never goes out because of flare ups or is unable to wear certain clothing in fear that it will expose affected areas. Im 22 its like I want to be comfortable my own skin and go out and not be afraid of what people might see…its putting a damper on my self esteem as well. I am pescatarian (meaning I dont eat meat, only seafood), I dont eat fried food, no sweets or baked sweets, and I only drink tons of water…not to mention I exercise alot. I actually love my physique being at 5’10 and having a very lean look. Its just a shame the fact that its…covered with these horrid things.

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