Sex: Dome vs. Dairy: You Be The Judge
You know that little button below our posts that lets you leave a comment? You people aren’t using it enough. So I thought a salacious reader poll might “arouse” your back talk instincts. Here we go:
If you had to choose between giving up cheese and receptive oral sex for the rest of your life, what would you do? This recently came up over margaritas at Lauriol Plaza and caused a 45 minute debate. I was first inclined to say cheese, but a number of convincing arguments (listed beneath the fold) left me waffling.
Here are some things to keep in mind: Cheese can’t accidentally graze you with its teeth. Sex drives diminish with age, but food cravings don’t. While penetrative intercourse is still an option, cheating with any sort of cheese substitute (soy cheese, cheese whiz) is forbidden.
I expect ten responses by the end of next week. Don’t let me down.
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This is a difficult question, since cheese is my favorite food — and I eat it multiple times a day — but I love oral sex — although I don’t get to do it nearly as often as I want to.
The main problem is that when sleeping with another woman, oral sex is pretty much all we get — use of fingers alone doesn’t really do it for any lesbian I know. And it does absolutely nothing for me.
Therefore, for me, the question becomes “Do I give up sex entirely?” And that answer is no, meaning I would somehow have to learn how to survive without fromage.
Fromage or frottage? That is the question! (Well, no, but what if it were?)
Receiving or Giving oral sex? If giving, definitely prefer the cheese. Receiving? well….I still choose cheese. I’m lactose intolerant, and I still choose cheese. I would probably even consider losing a finger, now that I think of it.
i would totally give up the cheese. you people must get some pretty bad blowjobs if you would take velveeta over some mouth lovin’.
lord, i am so filthy . . .
i briefly considered this question with thought and studied reason. then i realized wtf are you (lesbians aside) people insane?! of course cheese. i don’t even like getting blowjobs that much unless they’re really, really good. but i’d still give up cheese.
Parker, are you thinking enough in the long term? I’m not saying i’ve made up my mind yet, but there will be a time in your life when a blowjob might be an actual physical impossibility. When that happens, who will be there to comfort you? Why, your old friend cheese.
bjs gotta go. nothing replaces cheese. well, almost… the only contenders that stand a chance are any and all sexual activity (united) and chicken.
p.s. benji, people who are lactose intolerant (like myself) can eat cheese without any adverse effects.
who will be there to comfort me? not cheese. gin and vodka.
let’s get real people! we might not get blown as much in our golden years but it will def happen every once in a while. plus, we all the time i’ll have on my hands what with not getting blown as much and all, i can spend more time in the kitchen experimenting with ways to make up for the no cheese thing. so there.
I’d choose cheese. And I’m an off-again/on-again vegan! Check this out! Who needs BJs when you can have dairy-based heroin. Plus, I think I could be satisfied by hand jobs. But, can I still get oral pleasure on my other downstairs parts?
Controlpreaq, I’m not sure I trust wikipedia as a trusted source, particularly since everytime I overdo the dairy the Department of Defense asks me to work for them.
Parker, I think you have a good point. scarcity of resources makes said resources more desirable. I guess the test would be to lay off both blowjobs and cheese for an extended period of time, and see which one you miss more. Also, I’ve never had the experience of spending an evening in a bar and spending way to much money and personal humiliation points for a plate of nachos. I have, however, done it for the possibility of meeting a virginia vacuum pump or a DC dick dunker.
This link is better…
yet another good reason to become vegan… or lactose intolerant.
People eat at Lauriol Plaza?
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