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Event Details: To Do: Extreme Moral Turpitude at the AFI - :

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The other night I went out to see Superbad, the latest Judd Apotaw movie and the first to feature Arrested Development’s Michael Cera getting an HJ. It had the standard teen movie plot of two losers trying to get laid before graduation and the standard sight gags like a period-stained pant leg. Sincere as it was, I couldn’t help but unfavorably compare it to some of the classics.

When I was in 7th and 8th grade, my guy friends and I had hallowed tradition. Every available saturday we would sleep at my friend Cole’s house and rent two movies: One legitimate film like Reservoir Dogs and one eighties sex comedy like Hollywood Hot Tubs.

A second, less overt tradition was that, following the movies, we would look at porn and measure each other’s dick’s. An essential ingredient in both these practices was Porky’s, the movie with enough cock and titty jokes to satisfy adolescents of any burgeoning sexuality.

Like Superbad, Porky’s is the story of a dorky high schooler trying to get his dick wet while he still can. Unlike Superbad, Porky’s opens with one of the best boner jokes in movie history and goes on to feature a mass male nudity scene, a women’s shower gag, and boobs that, to my 14 year old eyes, were saggier than water balloons.

There’s also a character nicknamed “Meat” for his oversized junk, and another called “pencil dick” for reasons that you can probably guess. Figure in the subplot about an unfairly maligned jew and you can guess why I have seen this movie more times than I can count.

Porky’s is playing this Friday and Saturday at the AFI theater in Silver Spring at 9:45 p.m.

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